Are you in hiding ?

#areyouinhiding

I had struggled a lot because I believed in giving more. And I am sure, many of you here, will identify with this #voice in our heads that keeps a check on every thought that we want to support with our action.

So mostly ~ we thinking its~

❌ Our need to keep everyone happy
❌ Our lack of selflove for self
❌ Our selfless love
❌ Our own expectations from self
❌ Our fear of losing relationships
❌ Our own self worth issues

And the list can be really long and hard hitting.

However , as I kept walking from what I didn’t want to what I was meant to do or me.

One of the biggest gift as got as a coach was to coach self. My magic realisation while doing self coaching sessions was I was always #enough, I was always #sure of what I wanted.

Hence, the big question was ~ what stopped me being the real me? 

It was this habit of #Settling for less than what you deserve is the starting point which leads you to doing less , deservinf less and ultimately believing you are being less.

Beware ans

Beware and be aware. Stop hiding behind this self image of a giver.

#rakhisoftasharmaquotes #beyondthepattern #masteringself #coaching #selfleadership #leadershipmindset #leadershipdevelopment #selfworth #selfawareness #empathy #conciousness #listen #goalsetting2020

Listen

#Listen

In these covid times , we all are spending lot of time introspecting, some of us feel ~

We need to accomplish a lot.
We need to slow down and spend time with self.

Yesterday, while we were into a coaching session, a realisation hit me pretty hard, so here I am sharing it with you.

I have a client, who has everything most of us want, yet she is running towards life goals and I often hear her saying…. Time is short, too much to accomplish. And I keep wondering ~  is she running towards them or running away from herself.

➡️ Chasing Goals and dead lines is easy.
➡️ Chasing dreams is fun.
➡️ Chasing self is an uphill task and the hardest.

Don’t be the one waiting for weekend to happen to do things that will make you smile.
Don’t be the one waiting for vacations to happen to steal the moments that will make you whole.
Don’t be someone waiting for work to end to make time for self.
Don’t be the one waiting for opportunities to come to do what you wana do to contribute.
Don’t be the one waiting for self judgement to happen before feeling what feels right or even wrong.
Don’t be the one who is forever putting others first.

RECOGNISE SELF AND HAVE COURAGE TO HEAR THE SILENCE THAT TALKS TO YOU.

#rakhisoftasharmaquotes 
#selfawareness #goalsetting2020

Paradoxical Choices ~ Desire Vs Value

Today …. while coaching a client … we spoke about many things however what caught my eye and I was sure I will share with my readers here.

There are times when we and especially the younger generation gets caught up in adulation and desire. When we feel all the attention we get adds value to us. The importance and the attention we get makes us feel that I am being valued however if you let that feeling of self importance pass and look deeper you will realise what is coming your way is all about HOW YOU LOOK and none about WHAT AND WHO YOU ARE.

The tussle between Inter and the Outer beauty is a age old story. Let me narrate you an incident this client shared with me, to bring in the prospective.

She started her own HR company almost two yrs back. Like many others she too started networking and started meeting prospective clients. Every one told her ” Come On Sammy, you will have no issues in getting business, look at you, you are smart, beautiful and have a magnetic personality”. She almost got carried away with such remarks until we got into this session and locked our heads together to understand things that were totally opposite to what everyone had predicted. She was meeting people, making new contact however nothing was moving forward. The frustration started to set in. During our sessions, we spoke about many meetings which had similar ending. And I asked her what did the person she met told her before they parted, She said all of them said she was a lovely company and its an amazing that they met and would love to meet again. Each one of them had adulation and praise for her. She realized she too got carried away by the attention and the adulation she was getting and in the process the REAL goal had totally lost its sheen. She said” in the beginning, I use to divert the conversation from personal admiration to professional capabilities, however with few meeting, I too started to enjoy the importance I was getting. PARADOXICAL CHOICES WE MAKE.

Thinking about what she shared made me realize many of us or I would correct myself most of us have made such choices without realizing the Difference between being a eye candy or being an object of decoration from being valued for our intelligence and value we bring by being in someones life. We need to understand that only way to make right choice is by setting a benchmark and putting a price tag that is way beyond people who can just see outward beauty.

Desire And Value needs to be looked from a different perspective. In personal world it leads to dissatisfaction in what we have and In the professional world it is very important to do the demarcation so that we do not get distracted from our own goal and end up loosing our value. Do not mix both and get confused.

Always choose Value over Desire.

Pain Unimaginable ~ And Choices We Make

I look back and smile at HER ……THE PERSON, SHE was then. SHE had come a long way. SHE who held on to unimaginable pain, the SHE who had all the WHY questions and NO Now What answers. The SHE who at times knew the reason of this unbearable pain and The SHE who had no clue where it was coming from.

Pain is said to be biggest teacher life appoints to us. It is entirely up to us what we learn from this teacher. The bond SHE n ME created was out of PAIN. I met her and started coaching her when she was mourning her person loss and didn’t knew why was she made to victim by God. We would meet every weekend leaving behind our identities and would just talk to make sense.One evening when we met I shared a story about CHERYL McGUINESS, Who lived through about as bad an experience anyone can. Her world turned upside when she lost her husband TOM, who was a co pilot of first plane that hit World Trade Towers 9/11.

Post 9/11 she became a single mother and had to not just fetch for her kids n herself but also had to face herself in order to face this new challenge. She didn’t really realize what and where she was heading to. However this immense pain helped her in creating a new HER. A her who was independent, decisive, strong and optimistic to deal whatever come her way. Her first step towards the changed her was when she choose to speak on her husband’s funeral.She had never spoken publicly before this however post this, she was asked to talk about her experience very often.

On Tom’s tenth death anniversary she looked back and said” It’s a terrible, terrible day that I don’t think anyone can ever forget however Out of the Ashes of Sept 11, out of the rubble that day, I can emerge and say that I am stronger and independent today then I was 10 yrs ago”.

This made a huge impact on Her and made her answer the questions that she was running from. Few things that started making sense to her. Here are few facts about BAD EXPERIENCES that lead to pain.

1. EVERYONE HAS THEM
2. NO ONE LIKES THEM
3. NOTHING IS FAIR
4. WE CAN MAKE BAD EXPERIENCES POSITIVE EXPERIENCES

So how do we turn them around and learn from the pain caused by bad experience

1. LOOK AT WHAT LESSON IS THERE INSTEAD OF WHO ND WHY IT HAPPENED.
2. CHOOSE POSITIVE STANCE IN LIFE.
3. EMBRACE AND DEVELOP YOUR POTENTIAL BY LEAVING YOUR COMFORT ZONE.
4. EMBRACE THE VALUE THAT THE BAD EXPERIENCE BROUGHT TO YOU.
5.TAKE FULL OWNERSHIP AND RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR LIFE.

In the net shell no matter what pain you are going through, its gives you an opportunity to grow from it. You must be willing to look into the eye of what you are going through and choose to grow stronger. It is difficult to look for that opportunity however you must as you can and you are the only person who can create personal glory post this Unimaginable pain.

~ What You Want, Will Want You ~

 

There is always two sides to a coin however most of the times, we only see what we want to see. I in my career span of twenty odd years have come across people from all walks of life. I have met the good, the bad and the ugly and also been in these shoes without wearing any mask.

Let me weave a story around both these possibilities. This is a story of a gir, I met who has a dynamic personality, Who is a perfectionist, Always wanted to do things in a certain way and believed she can perfect the art of perfection. She went through a lot of struggles and yet was unshaken for the outside world. However from the inside, her expectations from self and then after meeting those expectations, her expectations from the world where becoming bigger day by day. In the process of perfecting herself she kept digging for her faults, her weaknesses. She overcame a lot however somewhere her looking for faults was making a deep impact on her emotions and her self esteem.

She is an inspiration for many. So one day while we were chatting and we accidentally realized that her quest for perfection was one side of the coin however the other side was her constant question mark on self in order to improve. WHAT YOU SEEK WILL SEEK YOU ~ this phrase came to my mind and as I shared it with her, We could both instantly realize that the self doubt was resonating loud in her mind and in her life too. She wanted to be perfect hence was looking for negatives and it was negativity that started seeking her. Sometimes the purpose is not that important, the method is of utmost significance.

Realizing this, I went back in time when a fellow coach had dropped this MAGIC WAND in my hands. ~ WHAT YOU WANT WILL WANT YOU. He had asked me to ponder and let it sink in. He had told me that it looks simple however it’s implementation is much deeper. With time it made me realize that WE NEED TO BE LIKE AN ARCHITECT, WHILE WE LOOK AT OUR PAST OR WITHIN, the one who digs what is needed to create a new structure and NOT AS AN ARCHEOLOGIST, who dig it all n create nothing new.  Since then this has been my Magic Wand. My guard, My companion whenever I wanted to look around or wanted to gain my focus. This MAGIC WAND has given me the right prospective and changed the way I looked at life and how I dealt with it.

The lesson to be learned here is that we need ask ourselves every day ~ am I very clear on what we want, and am I working towards it honestly. As most of the times we camouflage our want by just stating it and do nothing in the process. Wanting is not just saying it, Wanting is perusing it with all you have, with complete sincerity and trust. ONLY THEN WHAT YOU WANT WILL WANT YOU.

THE KEY IS YOURS

Today I woke up with a mission ~ Its was an opportunity to hand over the keys which made me the owner of my own life.

Yesterday, While I was in session with a X student, It was about helping his understand his strengths, his motivators and de motivators. Post behavior and career analysis, We were going great and he was really excited about his analysis report. He said it was bang on ~ which for him meant he answered all the questions with integrity and no pretensions.

For me it was yet another feather in my cap as when a child compliments what a 20-22 page analysis says is a great accomplishment. As I have seen adults shrinking and in denial when they go thru the report.

Let me get back to the session, where everything was in line and suddenly I saw this young tough boy breaking down inside as he spoke his mind. He is a great writer with fabs understanding of emotions and practical world. I say that as I have myself read a few of his blogs.

He was trying to hold on to his world yet it was all falling apart. He has a few issues with his parents, To that I would say ~ WHO DOESN’T. I had issues when I was a child so did my dad. Its all about how we want to deal with them.

He felt betrayed and bullied by the discord among parents and his own need to make peace so that he could concentrate on his studies as BOARDS are right on head.

While the conversation proceeded, We both where desperately trying to sort the issue of WHAT IS ACTUALLY BOTHERING HIM, AS THE SITUATION AT HOME HAD BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE AGES. He was baffled and wanted instant solutions. We both we deep into questions and probing for answers and realised that it was going no where.

So, I took a deep breathe as told myself, RAKHI SOFTA SHARMA ~ hold ur horses, I know you want to help him however solutions have their own way to coming to you.

So, I told him, lets do this differently. I said lets meet every week for an hour for coaching session and lets for today start from solution and the problem will surface in its own course of time.

I ~ , what is that you want at this point of time the most.
He ~ HIS BALANCE.
I ~ what is he doing to create that.
He ~ Nothing, am trying to know what causing this unsettled state of mind.
I ~ Will the knowledge sort anything, What if I tell you whats causing it, Will it sort out.
He ~ NOPE ~ (I could see he was more comfortable now, as things had started to make sense to him)
I ~ So, lets work on solution n not the cause.
He ~ looked blank
I ~ What do you feel you need to get your peace back.
He ~ I need to worry less and need to stop getting into the web.
I ~ when you know the solution, why aren’t you doing.

I told him a story of a dad and a son, who went to the river side where dad asked the son, there are five frogs, four decided to jump. How many left. The son very happily said ONE. Dad said wrong. FIVE. As four decided however decision making is no execution. We need to back decision with action.

He ~ Great, Yeah, I knew the answers however never acted upon them and inaction was troubling me.

I ~ Take ownership of your life for good, bad, ugly…….. and look what you can do to achieve what you want.

Parents, Circumstances, People, Friends, Money and Time are all excuses and blames which will only lead to ESCAPISM and ESCAPISM will never lead to a FUTURE WHICH HAS YOUR COMPLETE OWNERSHIP.

So the key is yours, use it as it had helped me in BEING OWNER OF MY LIFE COMPLETELY without loosing on values, time and emotions ~ BE IN THE AREA OF ACTION ~ AND SHUN AREA OF CONCERN AS CONCERN IS A WEB AND ACTION IS ALWAYS RESULT ORIENTED AND WILL EMPOWER US.

~ I Conquer All ~

~ Love Conquers All ~

This one phrase has different meaning for different people. The most important connection it creates is that it brings in a  picture of perfect ending to our minds that we all seek knowingly and unknowingly. Most of the time, I like any other Savior of love n happy ending do not challenge it.

However there are times like today, when I see a tear in someone’s eyes, with just a simply question, why isn’t this true for me. I just wanted to put my arms around and tell wait for the right realization to come and everything will fall in place. However, Today I refuse to indulge in happy ending with no reasons. I want to share the other side of the mirror to the eyes that look at me with so much love n surrender.

We all have fallen in love and and risen above it too. So love is not a illusion nor is it a reality if you really ask me. Love has no meaning what so ever as for some its emotions, for some security, for a few its power and for other its deceit. So we all wear different glasses at different time to seek what is right for us in the name of love.

When I look back, which am sure you too will when you read this, there will be a smile on ya face and attached to it will be the bitter sweet feelings. I want to look beyond the memories today and what to share something that changed my association with this quote ~ LOVE CONQUERS ALL ~  new meaning that I had given it a long time ago. Time when I too was deep into question like why me. The deep darkness n sadness was all I could identify myself with and it was weighing heavy on me every step I took in believing in Love.

It’s said the pain can only bring ecstasy, Without loosing gain has no meaning. And In My Pain And Loss I found a new meaning of “LOVE CONQUERS ALL”. For me a simple realization that first I Am In Love was the first step for accepting all my fears, questions, ifs n buts. The Ownership of the feeling that was making me weak is the key that will unlock the doors of healing and conquering love.

We need to change the way we look at love at times, and ask what is it giving us, is it bring any value to me or is it just that using me against me. That Is When Self Love makes entry and knocks softly at your door and asks you, why are you ignoring me for something that is not valuing you.

I needed to look straight into its eye and all answer start appearing. For Me the new meaning came like a Jinny appearing with a magic lamp. Why should I give LOVE for someone else the power to make me happy or sad.  When I take that power of conquering all with self love and self celebration the true meaning appears. ” I CONQUER ALL “.

When I love and celebrate myself and recognize the power and consciously take away the power from others to make me feel what I want to feel is when I CONQUER ALL. I from that day, took charge of my happiness, success, my journey, my learning and left behind the seeking for love and become LOVE myself.

I wish some of you will also become LOVE and CONQUER ALL, without giving the power to someone else. So Now my perfect ending just needs me and no one has a power to change that.