Are you in hiding ?

#areyouinhiding

I had struggled a lot because I believed in giving more. And I am sure, many of you here, will identify with this #voice in our heads that keeps a check on every thought that we want to support with our action.

So mostly ~ we thinking its~

❌ Our need to keep everyone happy
❌ Our lack of selflove for self
❌ Our selfless love
❌ Our own expectations from self
❌ Our fear of losing relationships
❌ Our own self worth issues

And the list can be really long and hard hitting.

However , as I kept walking from what I didn’t want to what I was meant to do or me.

One of the biggest gift as got as a coach was to coach self. My magic realisation while doing self coaching sessions was I was always #enough, I was always #sure of what I wanted.

Hence, the big question was ~ what stopped me being the real me? 

It was this habit of #Settling for less than what you deserve is the starting point which leads you to doing less , deservinf less and ultimately believing you are being less.

Beware ans

Beware and be aware. Stop hiding behind this self image of a giver.

#rakhisoftasharmaquotes #beyondthepattern #masteringself #coaching #selfleadership #leadershipmindset #leadershipdevelopment #selfworth #selfawareness #empathy #conciousness #listen #goalsetting2020

Paradoxical Choices ~ Desire Vs Value

Today …. while coaching a client … we spoke about many things however what caught my eye and I was sure I will share with my readers here.

There are times when we and especially the younger generation gets caught up in adulation and desire. When we feel all the attention we get adds value to us. The importance and the attention we get makes us feel that I am being valued however if you let that feeling of self importance pass and look deeper you will realise what is coming your way is all about HOW YOU LOOK and none about WHAT AND WHO YOU ARE.

The tussle between Inter and the Outer beauty is a age old story. Let me narrate you an incident this client shared with me, to bring in the prospective.

She started her own HR company almost two yrs back. Like many others she too started networking and started meeting prospective clients. Every one told her ” Come On Sammy, you will have no issues in getting business, look at you, you are smart, beautiful and have a magnetic personality”. She almost got carried away with such remarks until we got into this session and locked our heads together to understand things that were totally opposite to what everyone had predicted. She was meeting people, making new contact however nothing was moving forward. The frustration started to set in. During our sessions, we spoke about many meetings which had similar ending. And I asked her what did the person she met told her before they parted, She said all of them said she was a lovely company and its an amazing that they met and would love to meet again. Each one of them had adulation and praise for her. She realized she too got carried away by the attention and the adulation she was getting and in the process the REAL goal had totally lost its sheen. She said” in the beginning, I use to divert the conversation from personal admiration to professional capabilities, however with few meeting, I too started to enjoy the importance I was getting. PARADOXICAL CHOICES WE MAKE.

Thinking about what she shared made me realize many of us or I would correct myself most of us have made such choices without realizing the Difference between being a eye candy or being an object of decoration from being valued for our intelligence and value we bring by being in someones life. We need to understand that only way to make right choice is by setting a benchmark and putting a price tag that is way beyond people who can just see outward beauty.

Desire And Value needs to be looked from a different perspective. In personal world it leads to dissatisfaction in what we have and In the professional world it is very important to do the demarcation so that we do not get distracted from our own goal and end up loosing our value. Do not mix both and get confused.

Always choose Value over Desire.

Pain Unimaginable ~ And Choices We Make

I look back and smile at HER ……THE PERSON, SHE was then. SHE had come a long way. SHE who held on to unimaginable pain, the SHE who had all the WHY questions and NO Now What answers. The SHE who at times knew the reason of this unbearable pain and The SHE who had no clue where it was coming from.

Pain is said to be biggest teacher life appoints to us. It is entirely up to us what we learn from this teacher. The bond SHE n ME created was out of PAIN. I met her and started coaching her when she was mourning her person loss and didn’t knew why was she made to victim by God. We would meet every weekend leaving behind our identities and would just talk to make sense.One evening when we met I shared a story about CHERYL McGUINESS, Who lived through about as bad an experience anyone can. Her world turned upside when she lost her husband TOM, who was a co pilot of first plane that hit World Trade Towers 9/11.

Post 9/11 she became a single mother and had to not just fetch for her kids n herself but also had to face herself in order to face this new challenge. She didn’t really realize what and where she was heading to. However this immense pain helped her in creating a new HER. A her who was independent, decisive, strong and optimistic to deal whatever come her way. Her first step towards the changed her was when she choose to speak on her husband’s funeral.She had never spoken publicly before this however post this, she was asked to talk about her experience very often.

On Tom’s tenth death anniversary she looked back and said” It’s a terrible, terrible day that I don’t think anyone can ever forget however Out of the Ashes of Sept 11, out of the rubble that day, I can emerge and say that I am stronger and independent today then I was 10 yrs ago”.

This made a huge impact on Her and made her answer the questions that she was running from. Few things that started making sense to her. Here are few facts about BAD EXPERIENCES that lead to pain.

1. EVERYONE HAS THEM
2. NO ONE LIKES THEM
3. NOTHING IS FAIR
4. WE CAN MAKE BAD EXPERIENCES POSITIVE EXPERIENCES

So how do we turn them around and learn from the pain caused by bad experience

1. LOOK AT WHAT LESSON IS THERE INSTEAD OF WHO ND WHY IT HAPPENED.
2. CHOOSE POSITIVE STANCE IN LIFE.
3. EMBRACE AND DEVELOP YOUR POTENTIAL BY LEAVING YOUR COMFORT ZONE.
4. EMBRACE THE VALUE THAT THE BAD EXPERIENCE BROUGHT TO YOU.
5.TAKE FULL OWNERSHIP AND RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR LIFE.

In the net shell no matter what pain you are going through, its gives you an opportunity to grow from it. You must be willing to look into the eye of what you are going through and choose to grow stronger. It is difficult to look for that opportunity however you must as you can and you are the only person who can create personal glory post this Unimaginable pain.

THE KEY IS YOURS

Today I woke up with a mission ~ Its was an opportunity to hand over the keys which made me the owner of my own life.

Yesterday, While I was in session with a X student, It was about helping his understand his strengths, his motivators and de motivators. Post behavior and career analysis, We were going great and he was really excited about his analysis report. He said it was bang on ~ which for him meant he answered all the questions with integrity and no pretensions.

For me it was yet another feather in my cap as when a child compliments what a 20-22 page analysis says is a great accomplishment. As I have seen adults shrinking and in denial when they go thru the report.

Let me get back to the session, where everything was in line and suddenly I saw this young tough boy breaking down inside as he spoke his mind. He is a great writer with fabs understanding of emotions and practical world. I say that as I have myself read a few of his blogs.

He was trying to hold on to his world yet it was all falling apart. He has a few issues with his parents, To that I would say ~ WHO DOESN’T. I had issues when I was a child so did my dad. Its all about how we want to deal with them.

He felt betrayed and bullied by the discord among parents and his own need to make peace so that he could concentrate on his studies as BOARDS are right on head.

While the conversation proceeded, We both where desperately trying to sort the issue of WHAT IS ACTUALLY BOTHERING HIM, AS THE SITUATION AT HOME HAD BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE AGES. He was baffled and wanted instant solutions. We both we deep into questions and probing for answers and realised that it was going no where.

So, I took a deep breathe as told myself, RAKHI SOFTA SHARMA ~ hold ur horses, I know you want to help him however solutions have their own way to coming to you.

So, I told him, lets do this differently. I said lets meet every week for an hour for coaching session and lets for today start from solution and the problem will surface in its own course of time.

I ~ , what is that you want at this point of time the most.
He ~ HIS BALANCE.
I ~ what is he doing to create that.
He ~ Nothing, am trying to know what causing this unsettled state of mind.
I ~ Will the knowledge sort anything, What if I tell you whats causing it, Will it sort out.
He ~ NOPE ~ (I could see he was more comfortable now, as things had started to make sense to him)
I ~ So, lets work on solution n not the cause.
He ~ looked blank
I ~ What do you feel you need to get your peace back.
He ~ I need to worry less and need to stop getting into the web.
I ~ when you know the solution, why aren’t you doing.

I told him a story of a dad and a son, who went to the river side where dad asked the son, there are five frogs, four decided to jump. How many left. The son very happily said ONE. Dad said wrong. FIVE. As four decided however decision making is no execution. We need to back decision with action.

He ~ Great, Yeah, I knew the answers however never acted upon them and inaction was troubling me.

I ~ Take ownership of your life for good, bad, ugly…….. and look what you can do to achieve what you want.

Parents, Circumstances, People, Friends, Money and Time are all excuses and blames which will only lead to ESCAPISM and ESCAPISM will never lead to a FUTURE WHICH HAS YOUR COMPLETE OWNERSHIP.

So the key is yours, use it as it had helped me in BEING OWNER OF MY LIFE COMPLETELY without loosing on values, time and emotions ~ BE IN THE AREA OF ACTION ~ AND SHUN AREA OF CONCERN AS CONCERN IS A WEB AND ACTION IS ALWAYS RESULT ORIENTED AND WILL EMPOWER US.

Mirror Of Judgement

It’s an old saying “when you are ready to learn master will appear.”

I could never relate to this as I always believed I will choose when to learn and than will seek the person I want learn from. However this saying became a reality for me today as a simple LAW OF MIRROR became my teacher and took my hand and showed me the new way of looking at myself.

Mirror is known to be women’s best friend … and when we see in the mirror we see what we want to see. You will say am being stupid. We see exactly who we are in the mirror, however I want you to look deeper, when we see ourselves in the mirror what do we notice or focus on. How am I looking today is the first thought that comes to us and immediately after it comes a second thought with bigger force. The thought of self analysis n self correction. We start looking for what not right instead of what’s right. That’s how life happens to us everyday.

So now when you look in the mirror see what u can be, YOU CAN BE ANYONE YOU WANT TO BE, rather than what you are not. We often make excuses of not believing in us, We often blames people, circumstances and happening for making us what we have become. However what we forget is what we see in the mirror is what we become, Only we have the power to make or break us. We can never outperform our self image no matter where we go in life, how successful we become or how much effort we put in to improve ourselves. So what I can do or rather we should do is …. look into the mirror and see who you want to be, As if we put a small price tag or value to us, no one in the world will raise the value. Have you ever paid anyone a few hundreds extra than what the price tag.

I don’t need to wait for the answer, we all know the answer, So control your self talk, guard the thoughts you have about yourself. Stop questioning yourself, stop pointing fingers at yourself about what you had done in the past or had happened to you. Stop listening to these hummmming sounds of self doubt and start increasing the volume of self praise. As there is no magic wand to make negative disappear, the best n the tried and tested way to do that simple. lets say you can hear two song playing in ur mind, one is a happy one and the other is the sad one and you don’t have a control of switching one off and  suddenly you realise that the sad one is making a bigger impact on you. So what u do to stop its impact. Simple raise the volume of the happy song, I can see you all smiling as its the magic wand. Raise the volume and frequency of positive thoughts, so that you mind is filled by them and the negative or the sad humming sound dies its own death by getting pushed into the corner.

So dear friends I want you to Put a loud music around you of self worth and self image ans I want you to celebrate yourself, stop judging the person in the mirror start celebrating her as she has a reason to be joyous and to be free from judgement of self believes.

So break the mirror of Judgement and bring in the mirror of self image n self believe. RAISE YOUR VALUE ~ RAISE THE PRICE TAG

Lastly will want to express my gratitude to My Master Mind Session Mentor ~ Mr Girish Bhatia for bring my master to me.